A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
We can open all our own jars
Phone conversations last 30 seconds
We know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
Old friends don't care if we've lost or gained
weight
When surfing channels, we don't have to stop on
every shot of someone crying
Our last name stays put.
We can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
We can kill our own food.
The garage is all ours.
We get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
We see the humor in "Terms of
Endearment".
We never have to clean the toilet.
We can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
If someone forgets to invite us to something,
they can still be our friend.
Our underwear costs $6.50 for a pack of 3.
None of our co-workers have the power to make us
cry.
We don't have to shave below our neck.
If we're 34 and single, no one notices.
Chocolate is just another snack.
Where and when we pee doesn't effect our
emotional well-being.
We can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger seat.
Flowers & duct tape - and we can fix
everything.
We never have to worry about other's feelings.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
We can say anything and not worry about what
people think.
We can whip our shirt off on a hot day.
Car mechanics tell us the truth.
We don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice
our new haircut.
We can watch a game in silence for hours without
our buddy thinking "He must be mad at me."
One mood, all the time. We can admire Clint
Eastwood without having to starve ourselves to look like him.
Same work. More pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress; $2000, Tux rental; 100 bucks.
We don't care if someone is talking behind our
back.
We don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off
someone else's.
If we retain water, it is in a canteen.
The remote is all ours.
We need not pretend we're "freshening
up" to use the bathroom.
We can go to the bathroom alone.
If we don't call our buddy when we said we would,
he won't tell our friends I've changed.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same
outfit, we might become lifelong buddies.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically
expected.
If something mechanical didn't work, we can bash
it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
We think the idea of punting that small,
ankle-biting dog is funny. Really funny.
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