Are You A Scrooge?!

You Just Might Be A Scrooge...

If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve
is gin, vodka and bourbon
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve
to keep carolers away
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store
that also sells gas
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland"
stars Michael Jackson --
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "The Nutcracker"
stars Mike Tyson
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If you get your Christmas Tree
at a rest stop at night
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If you give bathroom fixtures
as Christmas gifts
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If your prized Christmas ornament is
Santa Claus shooting the moon -
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite Christmas movie
is Jurassic Park
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If your idea of Christmas dinner is
a six pack of beer and a cheese log -
you just might be a Scrooge

If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho"
is a line from a Jerry Springer episode
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If your best Christmas tradition involves
a fire and reindeer meat -
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "Silent Night"
is sung by OJ Simpson
-- you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "White Christmas"
is sung by the KKK choir
-- you just might be a BIGOT Scrooge

If your favorite pastime is putting
defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights
or defacing Christmas lawn charicatures with egg nog
-- you just might be a Scrooge

And finally,
if your only holiday decoration is
a rotting pumpkin -
you just might be a Scrooge